Earth Day Still Makes Me Cranky

Following is a column I wrote that appeared in the Cincinnati Enquirer a couple years ago regarding Earth Day. This year’s Earth Day is Friday, so I thought I’d pull it out since my feelings haven’t changed much. When this was published, a lot of folks got their shorts in a wad. Name calling and insult flinging ensued. Alas, people who love the planet can be so mean. So if any of this offends you, I apologize in advance. I only ask that you curse me privately.  

Earth Day makes me cranky.

Actually, it's not just Earth Day, it's this whole "going green" phenomenon. Before you know it, we'll all be carrying bags made from juice boxes and wearing clothes made from recycled paper.

I don't call that going green. I call it ugly and itchy.

I can't quite put my finger on why all this annoys me. The word "preachy" comes to mind. I guess I'm just weary of being lectured to about how I must reduce my carbon footprint.

(I confess I still don't understand what a carbon footprint is, but I'm pretty sure I need a new pair of shoes with which to leave it. Preferably shoes made from leather - not recycled pop cans.)

Perhaps I'm just being ornery, but the more I get bossed around regarding the importance of being green, the more I want to use inefficient sources of energy, buy a Hummer, toss my glass bottles and aluminum cans in the garbage and cut down a tree.

Actually, we did cut down a huge tree in our backyard last week, but it would have fallen on our house, possibly killing us all. So I assume that makes it OK.

For the record, I affirm the importance of being good stewards of the world God gave us. I really do try to reduce, reuse and recycle.

But enough already. I can't open up a magazine without seeing some high-minded article on the evils of plastic and the virtues of hemp.

Can't we all just commit to take better care of the planet, not be so wasteful and turn off the lights when we leave the house?

I agree with Kermit the Frog. It's not easy being green.