Confessions of a Summer Hater

I’m just going to put myself out there and say that I hate summer.

I know this makes me sound cantankerous and those who know me well would probably say, “Well of course it sounds cantankerous because YOU ARE!”

But it’s the driving hither and yon and the trying to squeeze in some work and missing my regular exercise classes and needing to get my roots done and just not having any peace and quiet that makes me long for the school year again. I know it’s selfish and believe me, I’m mentally flagellating myself regularly.

But it’s also the pressure. Oh, the pressure to give my kids a happy, exciting summer filled with trips to Kings Island, the pool, the ice hockey rink, camp and other assorted recreational activities. It’s exhausting.

Granted, I don’t miss the homework drama, the lunch packing and the early mornings of the school year. It’s great to have some time to exhale. But the loosey goosey schedule is actually more of a stressor for me.

Every morning these boys wake up, come down the stairs, track me down and ask, “What are we doing  today?” I feel like a cruise director on a ship full of cats. Well, only two cats. But it feels like 50. And of course, they never want to do the same things. One boy wants to spend all day at the ice hockey rink. The other wants to have friends over. One wants to play on the dry side of Kings Island, the other wants to play on the water park side. One wants to go to the pool, the other wants to stay home and watch reruns of “Monk.”

I hope I’m not the only mother who feels this way. But when I ask other moms how their summers are going, I get “It’s great. I just love having the kids around.” Or “We are having so much fun just making crafts and homemade popsicles.”  So I skulk off in shame before they can ask how my summer is going.

And I worry that I’ve set the expectations too high. After spending all day at the water park with friends, one of my boys asks, “What are we doing when we get home?” “Well, my little pumpkin, I’m going to dive into a tub of aloe vera because I’m so dang sunburned. And you and your brother are going to make me a nice glass of iced tea.  What do you mean, what are we doing? Is this not enough?!”

The other day the boys were trying to kill each other in the middle of the family room (they call it wresting; I call it trying to kill each other) and when I gazed wearily over at my husband, he says, “We are soooo going to miss this some day.” And I know he’s right. I know without a doubt that I will miss the noise and the chaos and the driving to and from places. I will just miss THEM—their presence, their laughter, their yelling, their little tiny airsoft pellets scattered throughout the yard and house.

But for now, I just want a little peace and quiet.

People Who Don't Put Their Shopping Carts Away and Other Things that Make Me Crazy...

So I was sitting around complaining to some friends today.  And one of them politely said, “I think I see a blog coming…”  Which I now suspect was her kind way of saying "shut up and write it down".

So here is a list of things I just need to get off my chest.  It’s my own personal Top 10 List of Stuff That Makes Me Crazy. And don’t accuse me of being grumpy because I guarantee you will find a few of your own in here.

Number 10 - Couples who feel the need to demonstrate their undying love for one another with caressing during the church service. It’s a house of worship. Get a room. Show some decorum. Enough said.

Number 9 - People who leave their shopping carts in the middle of the parking lot. I’m sorry to be harsh but failure to put your cart away is lazy and disturbingly inconsiderate. I’m just waiting to catch someone in the act so I can berate them personally.

Number 8 - People who rush to the front of the line while boarding an airplane, knocking over children in strollers and pushing the elderly out of the way. Listen, we will all reach our destination at the same time. I promise. Chillax.

Number 7 - Here’s one that particularly gets under my skin since we’re in the middle of the NHL Stanley Cup playoffs. People who spout generalizations like, “All hockey players are criminals,” or my personal favorite, “Hockey is just such a violent sport.”  Really? Have you been to a soccer game lately? There’s a lot of screaming, swearing and general bad behavior. And that’s just the parents.

Number 6 - People who drive slow in the fast lane.  I’m not sure which is worse, taking a 13-hour road trip to Texas behind some goober who thinks going five miles over the speed limit qualifies him for the fast lane or worrying  that my husband’s head will actually spin off because he is so frustrated.

Number 5 –Young women who wear string bikinis to the pool. Look, I stalk the mail carrier every year so that I can grab the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition and toss it out before my 13-year-old son can get to it. I really don’t need a reenactment at the Recreation Center. This is not the French Riviera. Please, dear girl, put more clothes on.  It’s really OK to leave something to the imagination.

Number 4 – People who…well, really, I’m talking about guys here…Guys at the gym who get on the treadmill next to you and proceed to grunt, groan, sweat rivers and behave as if they are about to keel over. We’re all impressed you’re working out very hard, OK? Kudos to you for that. But I’m begging you, please use a towel and try to suffer in silence.

Number 3 – People who talk during movies. Hey, you know that ad they show asking moviegoers to please silence their cell phones and refrain from talking? THEY’RE REFERRINGTO YOU! SHUT UP.

Number 2 – Going to the eye doctor for a routine vision check and being shamed for not opting for the $200 retinal scan. Yes, I know the eyes are the window to the soul, the body, etc…And yes, I know you probably need to pay for that fancy machine. And I know it could detect a brain tumor and all that. But I just want to know if I need glasses. That’s all. And don’t make me feel like a cheap loser because I’m unwilling to shell out $500 for a pair of glasses when I could drive a couple miles over to Costco and get an equally cute pair for $79.

And my Number One Pet Peeve is folks who get into the checkout line that clearly says “15 items or less” with a cart full. People, it’s not 15 different categories of food items, OK? It is 15 separate items. And don’t act like those of us behind you aren’t counting. We are and we’re mad. And heaven help you if you get to the parking lot and fail to put your cart in the special coral. I’ve got my eye on you.