International Parenting

Much has been made of parenting books Confessions of a Tiger Mother and most recently Bringing Up Bebe, which extols the virtues of French parenting. Apparently, not only do French women NOT get fat but also they are good mothers. Perhaps it’s the jealousy talking but I hate them all.

No doubt parenting is hard. At least GOOD parenting is hard. It requires sacrifice. Just this morning I ate the remains of chocolate cake for breakfast so that my sons wouldn’t get to it first and start the day with a non-nutritious meal. It was tough. The icing got stuck to the roof of my mouth and it took three cups of strong coffee to wash it down. But I pushed through because of my great love for my sons. This is what good mothers do.

Honestly, I often swing between the Tiger Mother and the French Mother with a little bit of Redneck Texas Mother and Pacifist Canadian Mother thrown in.  I would like to say that I have a tried and true philosophy for parenting. I don’t. I observe what seems to be working for other mothers and copy it. I read books and magazine articles about authoritative parenting and permissive parenting and depending on the day, fall somewhere in between. Often, I collapse into bed just praying for the wisdom to do it better.

Was it always this hard? I know our mothers and grandmothers had their share of parenting gurus from whom they sought advice but did they obsess over their mothering as much as this generation?

And whatever happened to just following one’s instincts? Usually, if I just slow it down a bit, set aside whatever parenting book I’m reading at the time and just pay attention to what’s going on, the answers will come to me. They might not be the perfect answers for whatever challenge I’m facing at the time but they almost always point me in the right direction.

I’ve got about four years left with my oldest son before he goes off to college and about six with my youngest. While it is definitely important to me that I do a good job mothering them and that my husband and I send them off into the world prepared to be good men, I don’t want to waste these precious years worrying about the method and forgetting to enjoy them for the interesting, frustrating, enjoyable and unique people they already are.

So I’m taking an international approach to parenting these days—picking and choosing among the various approaches and finding the ones that work best for us. That and always eating the leftover chocolate cake before the kids get to it.